Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
