The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
