Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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