She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
