Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
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