that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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