didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
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He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
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Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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