Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
