My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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