I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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