You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
