I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
