Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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