we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
