Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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