Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
