His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
