Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize