what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
