Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
whose parrot is this?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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