fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
