I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
