Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
