We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
