whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
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At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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