I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
