...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
