The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
