I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
