Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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