my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
