you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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