I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
In other news, I just burned my penis
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
