I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
