Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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