I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
