i don't like sucking hair
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You're a waste of cheezeits
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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