Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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