so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
