i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
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She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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