And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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