I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
