just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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