I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
