i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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