I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
