Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
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Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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