Sponge bath it is.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
