he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
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Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
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QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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