idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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