You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
