i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
