Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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