i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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