I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
