pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
