listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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