i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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