He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
