i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
