Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
