I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
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Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
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So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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