it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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