I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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