My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
