Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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