he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
